2 Player Cupboard of Shame: Jay

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Players

Squidge

Jay

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Content Warning

Squidge was fully in charge of hosting, producing and editing this episode. As such, he decided to leave the few swears in the episode without bleeping them. This was done for comedy reasons, as we felt that there is very little in the episode which could offend most listeners.

Please listen responsibly.

Show Notes

Squidge wanted to take a shiny new look at The Cupboard of Shame. The difference being that he wanted to invite some familiar voices onto the show, one at a time, and discuss one game that they want to jettison into the Cupboard of Shame. This being the fifth episode in the new series, he invited Andrew “Podcast Collector” Dickinson to dispatch something into the devious

and totally real cupboard

cupboard.

As a quick reminder, Squidge describes The Cupboard of Shame as:

Squidge:

The idea behind it is games that you have bought in your past, played it, but you don’t know why you bought [them] but you did anyway.

Any complaints that you have about the game; why you want to stick it in the Cupboard of Shame. We’ll talk about the good points and the bad points [of the game], and we’ll share some fun facts about the game.

Previous Entries into the Cupboard of Shame

The Cupboard of Shame reboot has only seen three entries so far:

• Chief Problems decided that The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim needed to be stored behind the walnut doors of destiny in episode 136
• Lulu wanted to jettison Chaos Legion to the nether realms of the electronically challenged cupboard in episode 138
• Sean wanted to yeet Risk of Rain 2 into the underbelly of the cupboard in episode 139
• Ginger wished to send Final Fantasy X-2 into the depths of cheap MDF that is the cupboard in episode 140
• AndrewD was on the fence about Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days and whether it should have been in the Cupboard of Shame, in episode 141
• JonnyG spoke about the weird-a-thon that is Deadly Premonition is episode 142

You can read about the New Cupboard of Shame series at our page dedicated to all of the episodes: here.

Prior to the Cupboard of Shame reboot, Squidge had challenged both G and himself to put some titles into the Cupboard of Shame. The titles that they chose include:

• Iron Man the Movie Video Game
• WET
• Rambo: The Video Game
• Crackdown
• Final Fantasy XIII

You can hear their discussion on these games (and a few more) in episode 47: The Cupboard of Shame

here’s a link to that episode

All of the “classic” Cupboard of Shame episodes

aka before Squidge’s 2022 sexy reboot

can be found here.

Before Squidge could get to the bit of the episode that you’re really hear for (i.e. the Cupboard of Shaming)

… can "Cupboard of Shame" be a verb?

Jay leapt in and started talking about the real reason that there isn’t a Windows 9 - and it’s down to lazy developers in the ’90s.

Jay’s Chosen Game

And Squidge got directly into the topic of discussion: which game would you like to put into the Cupboard of Shame:

Jay:

It’s actually three games, but the game that I want to throw into the Cupboard of Shame is called "Power Blade 2" on the NES. But I can’t talk about Power Blade 2 without talking about Power Blade. And I can’t talk about Power Blade without talking about Power Blazer

But using Squidge’s rules, it’s not possible to throw more than one game in at once. So Jay had to pick just one game:

Jay:

Power Blade 2 is what I would like to nominate to be thrown into the Cupboard of Shame

Or for those tuning in from Japan

and there are more than a few of you, if our podcast hosting stats are to be believed

Jay is referring to “Captain Saver”.

But before he could talk about Power Blade 2, Jay needed to talk about Power Blade:

Jay:

So Power Blade is a game for the NES, right?

In this game, you play totally-not-Arnold-Schwarzenegger who runs around in ’80s style tank-top [attire] and everything. He doesn’t use his fists, doesn’t use guns. He uses a boomerang - which is vaguely daft as it is, right?

And that’s all you really need to know.

… they took a game called Power Blazer which was released in Japan in around 1990-1991, which was a Mega Man clone… except that you used a boomerang. When the [locationsation] over to the UK and US happened, EVERYTHING about the game changed except for the boomerang and the music.

Here are some example screenshots of Mega Man Power Blazer:

and here are some screenshots of Power Blade:

Squidge regaled us with both of the stories presented on Wikipedia, and on GameFAQs. First up, Wikipedia:

Squidge:

After years of fighting that took millions of casualties, Earth is recovering from the revolts of the 22nd century.

In 2192, New Earth has a master computer that holds a database of off colony planets. In the wrong hands, the database could prove fatal.

One day aliens attack the master computer, making the Master Control Program malfunction.

Nova, a lord of the ancient Power Blade, is summoned to take care of the situation. The Power Blade is a glowing energy boomerang that Nova uses to defend himself.

And now, GameFAQS:

Squidge:

22ND CENTURY WARRIOR.

When New Earth’s master computer is attacked by aliens, only Nova, lord of the ancient Power Blade, can battle through the control centre and restore the database

Squidge also wrote his own intro:

Squidge:

On his way to head office to complain about tickets that he bought to see Cyborg One Direction, only to be shocked that they were genuine, Nova gets a new mission: to stop a Python implementation test gone wrong.

It all started when machine learning picture creation tool [Dall-e] gained sentience and started forging passports. From there, it took to reading the stock market; and before you knew it, it took over sectors of production & commerce in {INSERT FUTURE CITY NAME HERE}.

And the intro for Power Blade 2, according to GameFAQS:

Squidge:

Time to sharpen the blade.

So Power Blazer came out in Japan and did pretty well. So the developers thought:

Why don’t we change everything in it, to be more American friendly, and we’ll release that?

And Power Blade sold like hot cakes, so a sequel to the Western release was always in the cards.

The problem was:

Jay:

Power Blade 2 (or Captain Saver) comes out, and it is completely different. It is MetroidVania with a brown and red colour scheme.

The UI is almost utterly pointless. The bottom 15% of of the screen is taken up with details that you don’t need to know.

What’s So Bad About it?

Any discussion of a bad game needs to cover what’s so bad about the game. So Squidge asked, “what’s so bad about this game?” before visibly recoiling.

Jay:

Imagine that they took Mega Man, took away the colour scheme, took away the interesting enemies, took away the story line, and then went, "with whatever’s left, why don’t we make a Metroid?"

But that’s not the only bone that Jay has to pick with this game:

Jay:

So they took the amazing, killer soundtrack to the first game… it punches you in the face… it’s perfectly ’80s. And then you play the sequel, and the music is like, "meh. I’m the music, and I’m going to go sit in the corner".

This is an action game. You want the soundtrack to grab you by the shoulders and shake you backwards and forwards.

Jay really does not like this game. This might have been his box-art quote, if he was in charge of designing the box-art for this game:

Jay:

It sucks so hard that it blows!

In Closing

Squidge:

My final question to you, "in The context of The Cupboard of Shame, would you yeet/kick/throw with vigour into the cupboard, or would you delete it from existence, or keep it as a guilty pleasure to go back to it?"

External Links of Interest

• Join our Discord server and be part of future episodes
• Our Facebook page
• Us on Twitter
• Support us on Ko-Fi
• Power Blade – Not a Mega Man Clone, At All

Music

Links to the music used in the podcast can be found below. Definitely check them out, because they're amazing tracks by awesome musicians.

• Intro music is Abstract Vision #6, from the Big Casual & Arcade Game Music Bundle by Muz Station Productions
• Power Blade Stage 1
• Super Mario Bros 3 (NES) Music - World Map 1-1
• Universal Commercial Tunes - Vol. 1
• Dr. Mario (NES) Music - Fever Theme
• Funny Quirky Comedy by Redafs.com, Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
• Outro Music is I N e e d Y o u 私の側て by G.H (removed from BandCamp)