2 Player Cupboard of Shame: JonnyG

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Players

Squidge

JonnyG

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Content Warning

Squidge was fully in charge of hosting, producing and editing this episode. As such, he decided to leave the few swears in the episode without bleeping them. This was done for comedy reasons, as we felt that there is very little in the episode which could offend most listeners.

Please listen responsibly.

Show Notes

Squidge wanted to take a shiny new look at The Cupboard of Shame. The difference being that he wanted to invite some familiar voices onto the show, one at a time, and discuss one game that they want to jettison into the Cupboard of Shame. This being the fifth episode in the new series, he invited Andrew “Podcast Collector” Dickinson to dispatch something into the devious

and totally real cupboard

cupboard.

As a quick reminder, Squidge describes The Cupboard of Shame as:

Squidge:

The idea behind it is games that you have bought in your past, played it, but you don’t know why you bought [them] but you did anyway.

Any complaints that you have about the game; why you want to stick it in the Cupboard of Shame. We’ll talk about the good points and the bad points [of the game], and we’ll share some fun facts about the game.

Previous Entries into the Cupboard of Shame

The Cupboard of Shame reboot has only seen three entries so far:

• Chief Problems decided that The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim needed to be stored behind the walnut doors of destiny in episode 136
• Lulu wanted to jettison Chaos Legion to the nether realms of the electronically challenged cupboard in episode 138
• Sean wanted to yeet Risk of Rain 2 into the underbelly of the cupboard in episode 139
• Ginger wished to send Final Fantasy X-2 into the depths of cheap MDF that is the cupboard in episode 140
• AndrewD was on the fence about Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days and whether it should have been in the Cupboard of Shame, in episode 141

You can read about the New Cupboard of Shame series at our page dedicated to all of the episodes: here.

Prior to the Cupboard of Shame reboot, Squidge had challenged both G and himself to put some titles into the Cupboard of Shame. The titles that they chose include:

• Iron Man the Movie Video Game
• WET
• Rambo: The Video Game
• Crackdown
• Final Fantasy XIII

You can hear their discussion on these games (and a few more) in episode 47: The Cupboard of Shame

here’s a link to that episode

All of the “classic” Cupboard of Shame episodes

aka before Squidge’s 2022 sexy reboot

can be found here.

JonnyG’s Chosen Game

And Squidge got directly into the topic of discussion: which game would you like to put into the Cupboard of Shame:

JonnyG:

The game that I would like to put into the Cupboard of Shame is called "Deadly Premonition", alternately "Deadly Premonition Director’s Cut", or more recently "Deadly Premonition: Origins"

Even though JonnyG already owned Deadly Premonition, he was suckered into buying one of the other two releases of it. This happening to JonnyG is such a regular occurrence that his friends call it “pulling a Jonny.”

And before long, the first tangent of the episode was in play:

JonnyG:

Before we actually owned a Playstation, we went and rented one from the game shop down the street.

We rented the Playstation, we rented Final Fantasy VII. We did not know that you had to provide your own memory card.

I played Final Fantasy VII for two and half days without turning the machine off, and I got to a point where you were only allowed to put one fighter in, and forgot to give him cure magic.

And it was all gone.

We all need to take a moment to press F on our keyboards and pay our respects to young JonnyG.

The Infinite hallway has been closed.

It took a year for an unlikely trio to manage to seal dozens of holes in the fabric of reality. But I can see the Threads of Fate. I know there is more in store for them in this world. And in another.

I see Kira Ashwood, the journalist who still bears the scars from her cult days, rising in great and terrible power. I see the supernatural social outcast Mark Clayton, his ability is expanding and evolving, growing without limit. Without explanation. I see the one they’ve yet to meet: a sorceress from between worlds, yet drawn to power and burdened by legacy. I see the extra normal investigator Casey Davis. But for the moment, I am one of the few who does.

I can see what’s next. I can see it all unfolding each chosen path. How does it end? Even I don’t know for sure. Join us on the monsters playbook.

The Monster’s Playbook is an actual play Monster of the Week podcast with new episodes released every other Tuesday. Come check us out on Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts.

What’s So Bad About it?

Any discussion of a bad game needs to cover what’s so bad about the game. So Squidge asked, “what’s so bad about this game?” before visibly recoiling. Whilst there’s a lot to say about this game, JonnyG covers the majority of his problems with it in six very short sentences:

JonnyG:

It’s bafflingly difficult to play. Not like it’s hard or the challenges are strange. But it’s like, the moment to moment interactions are incredibly clunky. Like, you run extremely slowly.

It has a lot of square-footage and not a lot of things to do. So if you’re at the Diner, and you have to the police station, that’s in-game miles away; and the car they give you only goes 45 miles an hour.

On top of that, the story seems rather bonkers and really seems like it was made up as they went along - the exact opposite way that you should write a mystery. We’re just going to leave this here:

Francis York Morgan:

Something’s definitely going on here, my coffee warned me about it.

The main character takes warnings about the case he’s working on from his morning coffee and speaks to someone called Zach - someone who is never on screen, and you never meet

spoilers notwithstanding

Squidge describes the game like this (quoting a friend of his):

Squidge:

It’s kind of like The X-Files meets a psychological horror from Japan. But it’s also filmed like a quirky buddy cop TV show … from Japan; where one person (the main character) clearly needs medication, but is not receiving it.

And need we talk about the search for Sylvester … the free-weight?

In Closing

Squidge:

My final question to you, "in The context of The Cupboard of Shame, would you yeet/kick/throw with vigour into the cupboard, or would you delete it from existence, or keep it as a guilty pleasure to go back to it?"

External Links of Interest

• Support us on Ko-Fi
• Our Facebook page
• Us on Twitter
• Georgie’s (aka ChapSketch) links:
  • Instagram
  • Etsy
• The Cupboard of Shame series
• The Monster’s Playbook podcast

Music

Links to the music used in the podcast can be found below. Definitely check them out, because they're amazing tracks by awesome musicians.

• Intro music is Abstract Vision #6, from the Big Casual & Arcade Game Music Bundle by Muz Station Productions
• Funny Quirky Comedy by Redafs.com, Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
• Outro Music is I N e e d Y o u 私の側て by G.H (removed from BandCamp)